I am Jannie
I am more Fredricksen now than I’ve ever been before
I am Jan Michelle Ronaldsdotter
Your hands held mine so tight
Okay Papa, I’ll stay
You saw me
Differently
More closely
Maybe it’s more like you recognized me, felt me
“I like when you’re here”
“You are warm. I can’t explain it…
No cold edges”
“I love you dear”
I love you too Daddy
You want to go to that room
And get in that bed…
I don’t blame you
“Where am I supposed to be?”
“Is this my room?
We wrote your name
We hung the Norwegian flag
Yes Papa, you can rest here
“I might close my eyes”
Close your eyes
I just want to sit with you if that’s okay
“That would be just fine”
“Thank you dear”
“Love you darlin’”
We planned a heist-
I don’t know what we are taking Dad, but I assured you our cars were big enough for the boxes
Yes, I have my keys
You laughed and said
“maybe we shouldn’t…”
“You and your sisters… pour a drink and go into the back yard…”
That thought, like so many, went unfinished as you rested your furrowed brow on fingertips
It’s okay,
We will finish it Papa
Words became scarce
An occasional, expressive flash of your baby blues or a hint of a smile
requires much effort
You still said NO! to lutefisk
“Oh boy…”
“That’s right…”
“Bogey was my best dog”
Your eyes smiled when I mentioned 3 olives in your vodka martini
Yes, I’ll get the vodka with the blue lettering, I know what you like
You held my hand
I was surprised at the strength you found
You raised it, and kissed it
I knew it was my last kiss
My kiss goodbye
Whoppers for dinner tonight
Love you Daddy-O
Your Jannie
